A friend of mine spoke to me once about her three boys and their preference to be with their father. She said that they would prefer to do sports with him, watch sports with, hang with him. That she has been relegated to only motherly duties – good for laundry and cooking and taking them where they need to go. However, they would even prefer their father to be the one to chauffeur them around. I looked at her in horror, yes, quite literally horror, to hear her share with me her current reality with her sons. It made me sad. One of her sons is the same age as mine. He is actually one of my son’s best friends. Hearing her share about the reality she is living brought me back a few years, as in 10, before I was a mother or even had my son.
A neighbor, with two boys of her own, said that having sons is great because they always want to be with their father. They would prefer to be with him and it allows her free time, all the time, to do whatever she wishes. I remember being horrified to hear what she had to say as well. Yes, it seems I am using that word again – horror. And, I now understand why….
You see, I have a 10 year old son, my firstborn. We will call him Coco. I don’t want my son to only want to be with his father. I don’t want to have tons of time to myself. I want to enjoy life right along with him. I have found that his passions are my passions. For me, there is nothing better in this life than seeing the smile on my son’s face for something he has accomplished. A little side note….I also have a daughter. She is 6, and we will call her Lou. I feel the same way about her.
My 10 year old son means the world to me. And, when my friend shared about her boys, I felt very blessed. You see my son and I adore spending time with one another. I, quite simply, cannot get enough of him! He is a very kind, caring, compassionate young man. When I pick him up from school, he runs to me and throws his arms around me in a hug! If he needs help with his homework, I’m the one to which he comes. When he has an event, for sports, he wants me there. Cheering him on from the stands. Giving him my big smiles and thumbs up. When he wishes to throw the football, the baseball, play a game of basketball, or throw the frisbee, yes, he’s a sports kid, I’m the one he asks to join him outside. Every night, at bedtime, he asks me to lay with him and cuddle, prior to going to sleep. And, if I only stay for a couple minutes, he will grab me and say, “No, don’t leave yet!” If I’m having a bad day, he knows, and he’ll come sit with me, or, give me a hug, or hold my hand. And, I’ve got to be honest, I LOVE it all!!
We laugh together, yet also fight with one another. We are silly and sometimes stupid. At other times I make him angry and at times he reciprocates himself. Yet, none of it matters as that little boy of mine, Coco, means the world to me. I couldn’t imagine not having my son as a part of my life. Nor him not wanting me as a part of his. I understand fully, and welcome, boys spending time with, and being influenced by their fathers. I believe it is just as important for daughters to have this impact on, and in, their lives as well. Actually, I don’t differentiate in the gender of the children and the need for them to have their fathers. I am just glad, at least so far in life, that my son still keeps me as such an integral part of his.
I don’t fool myself into thinking life will always be this way. I imagine a time will come when Coco looks at me one night and says, “Mom, no book or cuddling tonight.” And, I will honor his wishes. I also realize that a time will come when someone more important will enter his life. As it should be. And, I will need to take a backseat and watch his life play out and hope that the woman he picks for himself is deserving, kind, considerate, and appreciates all the wonderful things that I value in my son. Until either of those days arrive, I will revel in the wonder that is my Coco. The young man he is. I am VERY proud of him.
I treasure my son, and have so much pride for him. I hope, as he continues to get older and older, that he has pride in return for me. And, that as he continues on his path of life, that he allows me to stand beside him as his biggest supporter and advocate, never permanently relegating me to only the motherly duties of cooking, cleaning, and driving.
Originally Written 22Feb15