I wrote about Beauty. Just last week. Thursday to be exact.
I wrote about what beauty means. To You. To Me. Is it a place? Is it a person? Is it a feeling? Is it a beautiful woman or a handsome man? I share that I am tired of my looks, and perhaps my clothing, determining my Beauty. Perhaps I am tired of the two, combined, determining my Beauty. That I want my Beauty to be the result of who I AM, inside, not what you see, outside.
Then I go and I color my hair. I tell myself, I am tired of looking at myself as a blonde. I’ve been blonde for so much of my life, and, really, I want to look at myself as a brunette. The last couple of years, I’ve had my hair brunette, and, well, I like it much better that way. Brunette with blonde highlights. Perfect. That makes me feel pretty. Too bad my beautician hasn’t been able to get it quite right the last couple of times. Yes, let’s try, again, to once again be a brunette. With blonde highlights.
I text my beautician. I tell her my hair is just much too light for my liking. And, despite the fact that she just did my hair less than 4 weeks ago, (and I am getting tons of compliments on it too, by the way), I really need to come in so we can fix it. We set my appointment for last Friday.
This is my beautician’s third attempt at what I am wanting. Dark chocolate base hair color, with blonde highlights. The third time will be the charm, right? Ummm….No.
Blonde on Thursday…. Black on Friday….
Ok, I realize that the lighting of the two pictures is very different. Yet, the picture really doesn’t do the color justice. The picture of my new dark hair color, that is. Yet, it was the one I was willing to post. My hair is black. Truly. Black. The beautician, did I mention she is 21 and sweet as can be, (and, I really like her), was so thrilled with herself. I finally got it dark! Yep. That definitely happened. I will confess to being happy that she did get the highlights right. I came home and my son, my Coco, said, “Mom, what do you call people with dark hair, who dress kind of weird?” I knew the reference he was making immediately. I said, “Goth?” Coco says, “Yes, that’s the word. Mom, you look like a Goth person.” Wonderful, I think to myself. And then, my thoughts go to what I wrote. To my last writing on Beauty. Perhaps He is teaching me a lesson?….
You see, I didn’t get what I wanted. Not at all. What I was hoping to accomplish, it didn’t happen. When I look at myself in the mirror I am trying to figure out who exactly is that person staring back at me!!
Yet, you know what, I think this is God’s doing. I wrote a post about Beauty. And He is testing me. Does she mean it? Does she believe it? Were they just words? I think He wants to know all these things. Where is her heart at really? Does she really want her definition of Beauty to come from within, or, is it all about the outside appearance? It’s a good test, God. Especially when I compare these two pictures. I will confess, perhaps blonde is a better color for me. Yet, guess what, I bet you don’t find me blonde again any time soon.
Off track….I tend to get off track….
When I look in the mirror, I may not SEE the same person looking back at me. Yet, guess what….I AM the same person. In all the ways that matter. The color of our hair doesn’t define us. The size of our clothes, when they fluctuate up and down, they don’t define us. The kind of car we drive, the size of the house, the amount in our bank account, the brand of makeup we put on our face….all of these things, are just that, things. What defines us, what determines our Beauty, it really, truly, does come from within.
Lord, I am happy to admit to You, in my heart of hearts, that I know, whether I am Soft and Blonde, or Bold and Black, that I am the same person inside. The very same person. She is kind, considerate, loving (to a fault), compassionate, understanding, intelligent, insightful, a really great friend, and I am ME. And I AM Beautiful. Regardless of my hair color. Regardless of so many things.
Lord, I hope I have passed Your Lesson. Perhaps, if I have passed, the next time, my beautician can get it right?! If that isn’t too much to ask. 🙂
Originally Written 22Apr15