Existence

This one is for the moms out there. The ones who love their children more than anything else in this world. You know who you are. You would sacrifice anything for your children. Not only would you, you have. You will recognize yourself in this post.

I had an interesting conversation on Saturday, with my hair dresser. She wanted to know what I think about being a mom. If I love it, despise it. If I had it to do over again if I would still be a mom. What is best about it, what is worst? It should come as no surprise that my response was that being a mom is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Although, there are times when I have struggled as a mother, (Come on, be honest, you know you have too. And, if you are anything like me, the times come more often than you would like). However, neither you, nor I, would change our motherly statuses for anything in this world. And here is why….

Us moms, who live for our children, we don’t love them for what they provide to us, although they do provide a lot. They provide a good portion of our identity. I am Coco’s Mom. I am Lou’s mom. I am very proud to be able to define myself as such.

They provide smiles on my face, and laughter to escape from my mouth. Coco’s and Lou’s laughter alone brings happiness to my lips. The other day they were being so silly and I turned on the camcorder, on my phone, while covering up the part that would record what they were doing. I didn’t need to see them on the video. No, I simply wished to hear them. To capture this moment in time, of their happiness, their giddiness, their carefreeness of life. To one day come upon it, in my phone, wondering what it is, click on it, and hear what brings so much happiness to my heart…

Coco and Lou provide cuddles, and snuggles, and questions that only I can answer. They provide unconditional love. At 11 & 7, they both still adore me. I realize that may change in time, and with age, however, right now, at this very moment in time, I receive adoration from them both. Lou blows me kisses as she walks into school. Coco leans over and gives me a hug and allows me to kiss his head prior to getting out of the car in the morning. They both give me a huge hug at pick up outside school at the end of their days. Yes, they adore me. And, yes, that provides me with so much happiness in my heart. Truly though, what is best about being their mom is this…

They make me feel loved, in a way, which no one else can. And, for a reason that no one else can. In return, I love them in a way that I love no one else. Once again, for a reason that I’ve never loved anyone else before.

Think about all the people in your life that you love. Your spouse, parents, siblings, grandparents, friends. Why do you love them? If you are anything like me you love all these people for what they provide to you. The way they make you feel. About who you are. About your accomplishments. About your mistakes. They provide value and a belief about your identity. Your place in this world. How you fit into their lives. What in turn you provide to them. While I listed above things that my children provide to me, these are not the icing on the cake of why it is so great to be their mom. These things do not define why I love them or what makes it so great to be their mom.

The best explanation, found in my heart, about what is so wonderful about being their mom is this…

I love Coco & Lou simply because they exist.  

Their being in this world. The fact that they were born. Yes, that simple fact alone, is what makes me love them and makes me love being their mom. They don’t have to be anyone, nor do anything. They don’t have to make the right decision nor get the very best grades. My children are getting older. Branching off into their own lives. They don’t have to stay home with me on my birthday to show me they love me. Nor do I have to be the one that they invite to play a game of hoops, nor play with the Lego friends in the toy room. Nope. Because, you see, there is nothing they can do, or not do, that will make me stop loving them.

And, WOW…God moment…this is how God loves us. I wasn’t intending this. To write about God, till just now.

Let’s face it…many times I write because the words have swirled around in my head and I’ve decided to sit in front of my computer and figure out the most eloquent way to put them in print. Sometimes for others to read. Sometimes for myself. On occasion thoughts I wasn’t thinking will pop into my head and the next thing I know those thoughts have made an appearance in my writing. However, never before have I been writing and had God pop into my head as strongly as right now. I’ve written about God before, however, again, always intentionally.

Off track. Kind of. Simply because of my amazement over what I just experienced. The realization of the correlation of this:

God has provided me with the ability to love my children in the same manner in which He loves me.

I should not be surprised. I really should not. We are His children after all. With Him loving us in this manner, why should I not think that He would provide us with this same ability ourselves? The ability to love, our children, not for what can be done, nor the decisions made, nor the feelings they bring to us. No. The ability to love them, simply due to their existence.

It is a wonderful love. A wonderful feeling. To know that you can love someone not for what they provide to you, rather, for exactly who they are. To not expect, nor need, anything in return. To know that no matter what decisions they make, what path they choose to follow, your love will never falter. What is so great about being a mom?

It is this ability to love a person, or more, (as I love them both the same), unconditionally, and want nothing in return from them other than for them to be. Yes, the existence of my children is all that is needed for me to love them and to love being their mom….

I thank God that Coco & Lou exist. I also thank Him for loving me simply because I exist. And, lastly, for Him allowing me to love my children just as He loves me.

Originally Written 29Feb16

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